Marriage

I've decided I love my wife.

I hope that is no surprise to The Amazing Joanne, but of course like all married men, I sometimes don't act like I love her, and often I don't appreciate her as I should.  Proverbs 18:22 says "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord."  So according to that verse, I've got a treasure and have received favor from God.  I agree!  I don't deserve her love, and I am blessed more than I can measure to have a life partner, friend and the amazing ministry partner she is, in my life.

Paul says in Ephesians 5:25 that husbands should "love" their wives.  In society of that time, marriage was a social convenience for raising heirs to the man's family, and love was often given to the man's mistress instead.  As he often did, Paul turns this human idea on its head and says that the man should love his wife "just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."  Men tend to be a tad more selfish than that.  Sometimes if we're being heroic we give up our lives for a cause, but not for our wives.  But Paul instructs us that, as the Messiah sacrificed himself for the sake of the church, husbands should give up our own agendas and desires and priorities in order to serve our wives.

Marriage experts will tell you that a wife will feel nurtured and cherished by this behavior by a husband, and respond by loving him; but Paul doesn't talk about whether a wife will respond, he merely says this is our duty.  Her response, if any, is secondary and we aren't to serve in anticipation of a return, but because God says we must.  (Loving in order to get a response that we want isn't really loving anyway.)  Still, it shouldn't be drudgery; in verse 28, he says "In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself."

A man who will love his wife this way, whether he feels like it or not or thinks she deserves it or not, learns some of the love that Jesus himself has for his church (a church that is, by all accounts, not perfect nor sometimes seems loveable).  He may learn some humility as he reflects on how our Savior loves the church in spite of itself, and so loves him in spite of himself; and that might encourage him to love his wife with true selflessness.  I'm working on that one and will be for some time to come.  But still grateful for the treasure and favor God has given me in Joanne.